My older brother got a dime stuck up his nose and we had to take him across the street to the bowling alley where the construction workers drank beer every afternoon. They had needlenose pliers and performed the extraction. Only charged a dime. The dime. Good times. Thanks for the memories...
On Valentine's Day, we had a similar situation in our house. Jason (Huett), the father, wrote this in response:
Of Acorns and Children: A Cautionary Tale
My wife is out of town. It is worth repeating. My wife is out of town. This is significant because it is the first time she has left me alone with the three kids for multiple days. She needed to go to Washington, DC. I told her things would fine. I joked about how we are all juggling knives and making garbage angels in the den whenever she would call.
I’m their dad; what could go wrong?
Don’t worry I said. I got this covered.
First night alone with the children:
Things are going great! Everyone is fed, bathed, bedtime storied. It is almost 8pm. I am winding down, finally. I told Willow (age 5) and Jack (age 2) that they could watch one episode of Blue’s Clues before bed. I started the show and went to work on my computer (Do I ever do anything else?).
About 15 minutes later Jack comes in screaming and crying, and I can barely understand him
“I sumbled aco ut my kose”
What? I say.
“I sumbled aco ut my kose”
Jack slow… down stop crying I cannot understand you.
Pausing… while sobbing stops.
“I stuck an acorn up my nose”
YOU WHAT!
“I stuck an acorn up my nose”
WHY!
“Because I did; I did stick an acorn up my nose”
(This is the only (and hence best) explanation I got out of him all night)
I grab a flash light and take a look.
Way, way up there lodged at the top of his nose is an acorn.
This thing is wedged, and I mean wedged up there. We cannot blow it out, squeeze it out, I even tried to vacuum it out (suction hose on the Electrolux; hell worth a try).
So off to the emergency room we go. Now the Carrollton emergency looked pretty rough. At least 30 people will all manner of nasty ailments. In between fits of giggles, the staff told it would take anywhere from 3-5 hours to be seen.
This is worth repeating: My wife is out of town; she has left me alone with the three kids for multiple days. The wait is 3-5 hours. It is almost 9pm. You fill in the blanks.
4 hours later we see the first doctor; who, in between fits of giggles, says he can’t get it out. He calls an Ear, Nose and Throat specialist and drags him out of bed. The one sided phone conversation with the ENT went something like this:
I know you are sleeping, but I need a specialist.
An acorn.
Yes, an acorn.
No, I can’t get it out.
Yes, I tried that.
And, that.
Whispers
More giggles
Dr. Huett, he will be here in 30 minutes.
A friendly ENT arrived about ½ hour later and got it out. He had to break it into 2 parts. Jack was amazingly stoic about it all. They gave him a fudge-sickle; they gave me the bill.
As they went to throw the acorn in the trash, I stopped them.
Hold on! I am keeping that!
Really? Why?
World’s most expensive acorn. I am keeping it.
As I type this, I am staring at it in a urine specimen cup. I think I will frame it. I need a nap.
4 Comments:
ROFLMAO
X0X0X0X
My older brother got a dime stuck up his nose and we had to take him across the street to the bowling alley where the construction workers drank beer every afternoon. They had needlenose pliers and performed the extraction. Only charged a dime. The dime. Good times. Thanks for the memories...
On Valentine's Day, we had a similar situation in our house. Jason (Huett), the father, wrote this in response:
Of Acorns and Children: A Cautionary Tale
My wife is out of town. It is worth repeating. My wife is out of town. This is significant because it is the first time she has left me alone with the three kids for multiple days. She needed to go to Washington, DC. I told her things would fine. I joked about how we are all juggling knives and making garbage angels in the den whenever she would call.
I’m their dad; what could go wrong?
Don’t worry I said. I got this covered.
First night alone with the children:
Things are going great! Everyone is fed, bathed, bedtime storied. It is almost 8pm. I am winding down, finally. I told Willow (age 5) and Jack (age 2) that they could watch one episode of Blue’s Clues before bed. I started the show and went to work on my computer (Do I ever do anything else?).
About 15 minutes later Jack comes in screaming and crying, and I can barely understand him
“I sumbled aco ut my kose”
What? I say.
“I sumbled aco ut my kose”
Jack slow… down stop crying I cannot understand you.
Pausing… while sobbing stops.
“I stuck an acorn up my nose”
YOU WHAT!
“I stuck an acorn up my nose”
WHY!
“Because I did; I did stick an acorn up my nose”
(This is the only (and hence best) explanation I got out of him all night)
I grab a flash light and take a look.
Way, way up there lodged at the top of his nose is an acorn.
This thing is wedged, and I mean wedged up there. We cannot blow it out, squeeze it out, I even tried to vacuum it out (suction hose on the Electrolux; hell worth a try).
So off to the emergency room we go. Now the Carrollton emergency looked pretty rough. At least 30 people will all manner of nasty ailments. In between fits of giggles, the staff told it would take anywhere from 3-5 hours to be seen.
This is worth repeating: My wife is out of town; she has left me alone with the three kids for multiple days. The wait is 3-5 hours. It is almost 9pm. You fill in the blanks.
4 hours later we see the first doctor; who, in between fits of giggles, says he can’t get it out. He calls an Ear, Nose and Throat specialist and drags him out of bed. The one sided phone conversation with the ENT went something like this:
I know you are sleeping, but I need a specialist.
An acorn.
Yes, an acorn.
No, I can’t get it out.
Yes, I tried that.
And, that.
Whispers
More giggles
Dr. Huett, he will be here in 30 minutes.
A friendly ENT arrived about ½ hour later and got it out. He had to break it into 2 parts. Jack was amazingly stoic about it all. They gave him a fudge-sickle; they gave me the bill.
As they went to throw the acorn in the trash, I stopped them.
Hold on! I am keeping that!
Really? Why?
World’s most expensive acorn. I am keeping it.
As I type this, I am staring at it in a urine specimen cup. I think I will frame it. I need a nap.
Kimberly, that is the funniest thing I have read in recent memory. Your up-the-nose-story trumps my up-the-nose-story hands down.
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